Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
