this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
