So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
cat food counts as protein by the way
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
