I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
