I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
