Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
