It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
