There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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