when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
