Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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