An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
