I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hippo gnu deer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
