my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
