If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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