I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
