Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
