dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
