My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
