Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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