So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
