I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
