Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it because I queefed?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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