So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
