So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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