All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We were destined to go to rehab together
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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