remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
