He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
