At least make sure they are 18
Why
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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