I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
