Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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