it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
