apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
