Nicole vs. Life
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
