i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
