the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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