I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
