i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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