Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
