Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
