brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
