I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
