Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
