I feel great
I just peed on a car
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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