well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
