Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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