wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
