"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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