I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
