just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
