Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
