the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
